It has been a wee bit frantic in the studio recently. I have my first open studio coming up in a few weeks where I open up for a period of 4 days and share my happy space with others....I may smile so much that my face falls off!!
As part of this event I have decided to make two pieces, one to be exhibited in the local Dunoon Burgh Hall and the other in the gorgeous Kilmun Church. Again a big first for me.. I have fought through imposter syndrome, fretting that my work is going to look awful next to those of fine art painters and printers. In my head people are screaming - Who has let in that wee wumin fae Toward??!!
I have made two pieces that make me happy as they are inspired by my beloved ocean. It was easy for me to lose myself and my nerves into the colours and movements of the water. The biggest of the two artworks is going into Kilmun church and has also been inspired by Joomchi and the art of Jiyoung Chung. The smaller 6 x 6 inch (it was an artist challenge kinda thing!) going into the Burgh Hall is a piece that I designed to complement and connect the two.
I've got to ask though... when do you think that you feel good enough to show aff yer stuff? Lots of wobbly tummies have followed me the past wee while. Now that both piece of art have mostly been completed and one actually handed in, I seem to be in a calm zone. It feels odd but I am simply going with it.
I know that I have a few more things that I would like to make before the open studio event but I feel quite sanguine about it now. Well for today anyway!!!
I have also signed up for a Patreon group with a wonderful artist living on nearby Arran. Together as a group we are going to explore nature and the seasons, drawing inspiration and techniques directly from what we find around us at this time of year.
Today I also received a copy of the newest Alice Fox book and this too speaks of learning the rhythms of nature and the abundance of simple art supplies. The calm of this way of expressing and living creatively is something that I aim to grow into.
Everything is flowing in that direction and it feels good. That is not to say that the cheeky monkey of anxiety and doubt have not crept in to suggest that I am not good enough or that nobody will get me or that I wont fit in with the online patrons of my Patreon group. It is so silly when I write about the terrible thoughts I have about myself. We truly are our worst hinderances aren't we?!! If we but only get out of our own way and believe, just believe in our voice and our right to inhabit who and what we are.
I may be over 50 now but I am still waiting for that moment where I don't give a crap about what people think of me!! It will be soooooo liberating!
I always know when I stray off into a path that is not authentic for me. You get the jingle jangles that are quite different to the anxiety buzzy buzzing. Does that sound completely bizarre?!! Well it can be!!
So in a nutshell I am treading an unknown path that exposes me to the world in a new way. I just have to keep faith in myself and enjoy the... yes I'm going to use it...the j word...the journey. Comparison is the thief of joy. I think someone really old and really wise said that sometime....but it can steal the state of love and happiness that art can give you.
I am unique.
I am an artist.
I am a pure channel for the voice of creation living within.
I am free expression.
I am happy.